2015 Reading Challenge

Started: 19 January 2015 - Completed: 4 August 2022

 
1.  A book with more than 500 pages - All The Colours of Darkness by Peter Robinson
2.  A classic romance - Persuasion by Jane Austen
3.  A book that became a movie - Inferno by Dan Brown
4.  A book published this year - The Girl On The Train by Paula Hawkins 
5.  A book with a number in the title - A Brief History of Seven Killings by Marlon James
6.  A book written by someone under 30 - A Study In Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle
7.  A book with nonhuman characters - Definitely Dead by Charlaine Harris
8.  A funny book - The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams
9.  A book by a female author - Grave Secret by Charlaine Harris 
10. A mystery or thriller - Midnight Crossroad by Charlaine Harris 
11. A book with a one-word title - Stalker by Faye Kellerman
12. A book of short stories - Not Safe After Dark & Other Short Stories by Peter Robinson
13. A book set in a different country - Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden 
14. A nonfiction book - The Year of Reading Dangerously: How Fifty Great Books (And Two Not-So-Great Ones) Saved My Life by Andy Miller
15. A popular author’s first book - Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs
16. A book from an author you love that you haven’t read yet - One Grave Less by Beverly Connor
17. A book a friend recommended - The Screaming Staircase by Jonathan Stroud 
18. A Pulitzer Prize-winning book - A Visit From The Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan
19. A book based on a true story - The Lady In The Van by Alan Bennett
20. A book at the bottom of your to-read list - The Skeletons of Scarborough House (The Chapelwick Mysteries - Book 1) by Kitty French
21. A book your mom loves - J K Rowling: (audiobook versions)
      - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
      - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

      - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
      - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
      - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

      - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

      - Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows
22. A book that scares you - The Small Hand by Susan Hill

23. A book more than 100 years old - The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells
24. A book based entirely on its cover - The Restoration of Otto Laird by Nigel Packer 
25. A book you were supposed to read in school but didn’t - Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome
26. A memoir - Memoirs of a Professional Cad by George Sanders
27. A book you can finish in a day - The Old Man And The Sea by Ernest Hemingway 
28. A book with antonyms in the title - Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt
29. A book set somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit - The Ferrari Club by Steve O'Brien
30. A book that came out the year you were born - In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
31. A book with bad reviews - Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger
32. A trilogy - The Eldarn Sequence: Robert Scott & Jay Gordon

Book 1 - The Hickory Staff

Book 2 - Lessek's Key

Book 3 - The Larion Senators
33. A book from your childhood - Enid Blyton:
      · The Island of Adventure
      · The Castle of Adventure
      · The Valley of Adventure
      · The Sea of Adventure
      · The Mountain of Adventure
      · The Ship of Adventure
      · The Circus of Adventure

      · The River of Adventure
34. A book with a love triangle - The Vampire Diaries: The Awakening & The Struggle
by L. J. Smith
35. A book set in the future - Fisherman's Hope by David Feintuch
36. A book set in high school - Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
37. A book with a color in the title - The Black-Eyed Blonde by Benjamin Black
38. A book that made you cry - A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness
39. A book with magic - Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke 
40. A graphic novel - Jack The Ripper: A Journal of the Whitechapel Murders 1888-1889
by Rick Geary
41. A book by an author you’ve never read before - The Witch's Ladder by Dana E Donovan 
42. A book you own but have never read - Margaret Rutherford: A Blithe Spirit by Dawn Langley Simmons
43. A book that takes place in your hometown - Ten Days by Gillian Slovo (London);
44. A book that was originally written in a different language - 100 Years of Solitude
by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45. A book set during Christmas - Mystery In White by J Jefferson Farjeon
46. A book written by an author with your same initials - Affinity by Sarah Waters
47. A play - The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
48. A banned book - Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell
49. A book based on or turned into a TV show - Bad Boy by Peter Robinson (DCI Banks)
50. A book you started but never finished - Trust Me, I'm A Vet by Cathy Woodman

Light At The End of the Tunnel

I am happy to say that finally there is light at the end of the tunnel of what has been for me a very long tunnel.  I have a JOB!  It is such a relief, I interviewed at the beginning of July and started working on 20 July.  It is a secretarial position at a small firm of solicitors in Hythe so only a short bus ride from home so no long commute anymore which is excellent and everyone has been very friendly and welcoming.  The benefits of working local far outweigh any losses from working in London.  It is a very busy position but that is great too I just concentrate on what I’m doing and my mind doesn’t have time to wander and worry about other stuff.

Travelling to Hythe has been really nice along by the seafront and I get off by the Military Canal every morning.  It is great being so close to the shops I can pop into the supermarket before work; there is a library a short walk away and with my bus pass I can now pop on and off the buses locally which is great.

I still have to complete my probation but fingers crossed everything seems to be going well at the moment but I have a lot to learn.

Struggling with being unemployed

It’s been a year since I was made redundant and apart from two short periods of temporary work I am still searching.  Every interview becomes harder it feels like a part of me is being sucked out and left behind.  It is very frustrating I’ve never had a lot of confidence in myself, I read the job descriptions and my heart sinks with phrases such as dealing with high pressure situations and demonstrates proactivity and takes the initiative, etc.  The feedback I receive is “we like her but …” normally related to feeling that I am quiet and they worry I won’t be able to deal with the partners/fee earners but I want to scream at them I worked for 27 years as a secretary I can’t have been that hopeless.  But I suppose they have to whittle down the candidates and this is the way they do it.  I find it hard to sell myself in interviews to find the right phrases to say I don’t have enough STAR stories.  STAR = Situation, Task, Action, Result.  I’m no good at making things up I can only be myself.

Every time the phone rings my stomach does somersaults usually I deal with agencies when they initially contact you they are all confident - oh your CV is excellent we’re get you a job in no time and you know it’s a lie.  I decided to switch my focus more towards local jobs it would be nice not to have to travel so far but I’ve have had a couple again they went with someone more suited to the role.  For one of the positions I applied for and did an interview, and was told they went with someone else about a week later I got a call from a different agency asking if I wanted to apply for the same role!  That was a real boost to my confidence.  A lot of the problem is my field of legal work is mainly employment and pensions and for a lot of local secretarial jobs it’s more conveyancing or family based legal work and companies want experience in those areas before they will consider you for interview.  I’m willing to travel to other areas of Kent, Canterbury, Tunbridge Wells, Margate, Sevenoaks, Tonbridge, I don’t mind, I’m willing to try a different area of law if someone would be prepared to give me a chance.

I really don’t know where to go to from here I keep thinking what else I could do change of career, go back to college, but you need a talent that you can work on and I’ve never been very academic.  And my anxiety is playing havoc with my emotions, even when I’m watching TV in the evenings every few minutes I can feel the ache of anxiety in my stomach and the despair just hits you, when am I ever going to get a job again.

I suppose I just have to keep plodding along hoping that I’ll get lucky.

New Beginnings and a Revived Interest

In June this year I found myself for the first time in my life facing redundancy which although was a shock to deal with emotionally I was not altogether surprised since my role had become quieter and it had become obvious there was less work to go around.  It has been an adjustment dealing with this new world of job hunting and especially the daunting prospect of attending interviews since the last one I had was 27 years ago!  I have been using outplacement consultants provided as part of my redundancy package and have joined a few employment agencies to help me navigate my way.  As a result of my new found status I have found myself far too distracted to concentrate on reading so have picked up my cross stitch needle to help.  The last time I did a cross stitch update was in April 2015 far too long ago so it does feel good to be stitching again.

I have made some progress with my Humphrey Bogart project his face is finally complete as you can see.  I am pleased to say I am nearing the end than the beginning I have two small sections at the bottom to stitch and have begun the first already though I took the photo before.  My Dad is pleased too.

I also decided after having been given several tapestry cushions many years ago as gifts and been saying to myself on many occasions I will learn to do tapestry one of these days so I can make them.  Finally got off my butt and bought a small basic learners tapestry kit and am over half way through.  I have found it pretty easy to pick up after following a very helpful You Tube video:

Link to Video - Beginner's Guide To Tapestry

The design is by Orchidea and is called "My First Embroidery" it is quite a small piece only 6.5" x 8" - I found it slightly difficult to see the difference between the white and very light grey stitches in the colour guide I far prefer working with black and white symbols as you quite often do in cross stitch patterns.  But it does stitch very quickly and I'm already over halfway and it looks quite effective.  It is nice to have a break every now and then from the tiny stitches I have to do for the Humphrey Bogart piece.

Hopefully I'll have some good news on the job front soon.

My 2016 Year In Books

Thought that I would share my year in books through 2016 from GoodReads to my Blog:


https://www.goodreads.com/user/year_in_books/2016/2230482

My favourite book was Slaughter On A Snowy Morn: A Tale of Murder, Corruption and the Death Penalty Case That Revolutionised The American Courtroom by Colin Evans which was a fascinating true story of injustice and corruption of those who are suppose to uphold the law but broke it due to laziness and personal ambition.  It was a real page turner Colin Evans detailed the characters in such a vivid style and I really enjoyed learning the backstory of each.


Highly recommended.

My least favourite book was A Brief History of Seven Killings by Marlon James - sadly it was the first book I read for the book club I joined this year but it was so hard going it was brutal, violent, deeply unpleasant reading and very hard to follow due to the Jamaican dialect it was largely written in.  Why is it so often that books which win the literary prizes are so inaccessible.

Not recommended.

Remember, No Matter What You're Gonna Be Okay

Anyone who suffers from anxiety will know it is immensely frustrating.  You get frustrated at yourself because it has such a debilitating effect on your life and because others people who don't suffer from it just don't understand.  There are lots of resources out there to help including therapy and self-help books.  But I wanted to recommend Paul Dooley's podcasts (The Anxiety Guru Show) which are available on iTunes and via his website:

http://www.anxietyguru.net/

Paul is a qualified therapist and runs his own practice in San Diego.  However, he far more importantly knows exactly what anxiety is like as he suffers from it himself so has first hand knowledge of the effects and the different therapies/tools that assist in controlling anxiety.

Paul's podcasts vary in length and cover all aspects of anxiety including how to cope at work, in relationships, socially etc using straightforward language not psychobabble.  Paul's podcasts are about practical solutions and advice.  Paul does occasionally talk about his therapy practice and he does have ebooks for sale on his website but he doesn't force these on you.  Paul's podcasts are about helping others.

He often makes humorous comments and little asides off the mic which have me chuckling.  It helps alleviate the seriousness of the subject but does not in anyway undermine the information he is conveying.  He helps boost your confidence and gives you hope that recovery is possible if you are willing to put the work in.

"Remember no matter what you're gonna be okay."

Example of How Anxiety Affects Me

So this is me - my tentative Friday afternoon/evening arrangements - having to leave work early to catch a train then a bus to the dentist.  Then as I want to go and see Star Trek: Beyond afterwards locally I have to get a bus back into town, have a bite to eat beforehand and then get a bus home afterwards.  

So a little bit complicated but I am not planning a trip to Mongolia for goodness sake so why am I getting anxious and have butterflies.  I feel ridiculous but I find writing things down - the order of events focuses me a little.  And yes I'm anxious but like Paul Dooley (www.anxietyguru.net)* says:

"The better you tolerate the unknown the better you deal with anxiety - manage not knowing - roll with it".

"Stay in the moment.  Day by day.  It won't feel so overwhelming.  Eventually it will subside."

Breathe.

UPDATE (9/8/2016 - 07:30)

I realise I get worried about pressure of deadlines so being on time for appointments stresses me out.  Paul Dooley is right it's about control - I don't have control over the train so I worry I will be late (hey this is Southeastern we are talking about!).  But be organised leave yourself plenty of time.

Also I hate telling people in advance what I'm doing in case I either change my mind and bottle or something goes wrong.  But this time I made a point of telling people what I was doing and everything went fine I made the appointments with plenty of time to spare and went to see the movie which was great by the way.

I also went to a march at the weekend through Hythe never done that before it was for a collective protest to Save Princes Parade (see photo), against the lorry park and Otterpool.  I'm really pleased I went in fact very proud of myself.

*Note: Paul Dooley runs a website www.anxietyguru.net and a podcast - I will do a separate posting about him.

New Star Trek Series

I was very excited to hear at the beginning of the year that CBS were to broadcast a new Star Trek series on TV.  Finally Star Trek back where it belongs.  The films are okay but I'm not a fan of the timeline they have chosen to use including the destruction of Vulcan nor recasting the iconic characters from the original series though I have seen them.

However, this news inspired me to watch Star Trek in chronological order so I have started with the Enterprise series and am currently in mid Season 2.  I realise there are whole sections of Star Trek I have missed as I started watching in the Deep Space Nine era which my Dad got me into and then I continued with Voyager which was my favourite.  But I missed the Next Generation series altogether so I have only seen odd clips and it has been many years since I've watched the Original series.

It has been fun watching Enterprise it is far better than I remember it, what I enjoy is seeing the crew using and inventing for the first time many of the iconic elements that make Star Trek what it is today. I also love Porthos, Capt Archer's sweet beagle, and I must also be one of the few people who like the theme song by Russell Watson.

I heard today that the new series will be broadcast here in the UK via Netflix I've put off subscribing to an on demand service before as I have so many shows on DVD and terrestrial TV that I watch already.  But it seems I will have to cave in and sign up.  What a dilemma!

EU Referendum Result

Posting this today* waking up to the result of the EU Referendum the UK having voted to leave the EU. I'm in shock am shaking and have butterflies I just didn't expect it, was so convinced that the Remain would win but thought it would be a close run thing.

Initial reaction by the markets has been inevitably volatile but hope they settle down soon.  It is certainly going to be as a friend put it "an interesting year".

*Note wrote this on Friday, 24 June 2016 day after EU Referendum

*

Been a few days since the shock out vote, and although expected people's disappointment what is upsetting is the vitriol from so many.  And the calls for a second referendum are puzzling that is not how democracy works you don't keep voting until you get the result you want.

I can say this whole process has ignited my interest in politics so will be keeping a close eye on what happens in the coming months. Already Jeremy Corbyn's leadership is under threat with mass resignations from his cabinet. I know for sure I will NEVER vote Labour while he is leader.

Post CBT Therapy

I did 4 sessions of CBT Therapy before I felt that we were now chewing the cabbages in a sense of going over the same ground in the sessions and that now it was up to me to move forward.  One important point I took with me and i know to be true the more you do something the easier it is each time.

It is like learning any new skill it takes practice.

I have taken some small steps, I joined a book club which takes place at lunchtime at a library near my workplace, I love to read and have been posting my book reviews on GoodReads for the last couple of years.  It is a small group everyone's very friendly and it is fun to hear other people's opinions and if they share the same as your's and if their perspective is different to see the book from varying angles. Generally the group meets for around 40 mins once a month.  If you want to read my book reviews there is a link on the right hand side to my GoodReads page.

I have also been encouraged by a friend and colleague at work to take out a membership to the Culture Seerkers website http://www.meetup.com/London_Cultureseekers/ 

Robert who runs the Group arranges meet ups for various events throughout the year, every month there are coffee mornings, evening meals, days out to cultural events, art galleries, historical houses, walks, etc.  You can go along to a couple of events just to see whether you like it and then the membership is £12 a year and for that you get discounts etc.  

I have been along to two events so far once to visit Charles Dickens House and the second for a treasure hunt around Clerkenwell which was good fun.  Everyone was very friendly many people are regulars afterwards you can congregate at a designated pub.

I'm still a work in progress!

CBT Therapy

I had my first CBT Therapy session on Monday 29 February 2016 with Natalia.  I had to wait about 3 months which I realise is very good considering the waiting lists for mental health support on the NHS these days.

I had my usual self-doubts beforehand - I've not had any 'real' social anxiety issues since before Christmas so maybe I should cancel and let someone else have the slot who needs it more than me.

But then it occurs to me that that's because I've not been anywhere or done anything outside of my comfort zone just going to work and home again.  My one social outing was to visit my friend Audrey at her home in Sittingbourne and who I now feel comfortable with it only took me 6.5 years to get there.  So I gave myself a talking to and said lets do it I know she'll be nice as therapists are trained to put people at their ease (and she was).

To start with we had a general chat about matters that bother me which basically stems from my social anxiety as general day to day work is okay.  She told me I should record things that go through my mind when I'm anxious.  She advised me to write a list, a hierarchy from easiest to hardest of goals or things I want to do that I currently find hard to do. And to start to implement mini-dares for myself such as going somewhere I wouldn't normally go as I find travelling especially on holiday or going on weekends away often induces my anxiety.  Natalia explained that if you set yourself smaller achievable goals but spread them out, when you eventually deal with a larger one, you realise that the larger event is really only a series of smaller ones strung together and it becomes easier to manage.

She also mentioned it was important to incorporate exercise, getting enough sleep and eating healthily.

It may seem obvious to most people but when your anxious or get yourself in a rut it is difficult to get out of bad habits and implement basic changes in your life.

Anyway she gave me lots to think about.

Anxiety Update

I kept my appointment with my GP, he recommended:

(1) I have some blood tests just to make sure I don't have an overactive thyroid, I find this extremely unlikely as I have had regular medical checkups through work and I would have thought this would have been picked up, however, I'm not a doctor so I went along to my local hospital and had the blood tests just to be sure.

(2) He also gave me a list of clinics that offer counselling services in Kent that are offered by the NHS and to look through them to see which one would suit me best.  

My GP also told me to make an appointment to see him again in a month's time.

Meanwhile I picked Insight Healthcare who have offices in Ashford, they offer therapy specifically for those with anxiety.  I was pleased to see they provide evening and weekend appointments.  But unfortunately due to a recent shakeup with mental health services within the NHS they were only providing appointments in working hours Monday to Friday.  However, I spoke to a very nice woman on the phone who asked me a few questions.  She made an appointment for me on 3 December to have a mental health assessment with a counsellor which would be conducted on the telephone and sent me a questionnaire to fill in beforehand.

Daft I know but no surprise that I was anxious about talking about my anxiety! But the counsellor Matthew was easy to talk to once I got going I tried to be as frank and honest as I could the call lasted about 30 minutes.  He asked me about specific events that trigger my anxiety, my general state of my mental health, and we went through the questionnaire which I had filled out prior to speaking to him. At the end he told me the clinic would be in touch when they had a counsellor free to treat me.

UPDATE: I saw my GP again just before Christmas and I gave him an update on my progress with contacting the clinic and he gave me the results of my blood tests which were all clear and said I was in excellent health which was good to hear.

As of today I am still waiting to hear but I knew it would be about 4-6 weeks before I was likely to hear from the clinic.

Anxiety

I must preface this by saying I am lucky as an anxiety sufferer, I can work, do some socialising (when I have to), travel etc.  I live with my problem and try and work around it, writing things down helps, talking to my parents.  BUT it has been the bane of my life as long as I can remember.

I'm such a worrier I worry about everything I text someone and make a joke or comment and then when I don't hear from that person I worry that I've said something to upset them and that's why they've not got in touch.  If I send an email I worry if I don't hear back within a few days that they don't want to be friends anymore.  I know it's me that I'm being silly but I can't help it I go through scenarios in my head about the reasons for the delay or in what way I've caused a problem. Then I think maybe I should text or email again but I stop myself because I don't want to be the annoying friend who won't leave people alone.  And my stomach ties in knots.  Or often I ignore people completely because I'm hopeless at making friends don't know what to say half the time so I procrastinate and leave it too long.

I get very easily distracted if I'm trying to read and someone is talking waving their hands around it will irritate me, if a bag strap is hanging down from the luggage rack or a door banging every now and then where someone hasn't closed it.  I try and use instrumental music to help me focus.  It doesn't always help sometimes I have to move or close the door! I don't get annoyed at the person(s) but at myself.

Other symptoms I often have are:

•  clenching my jaw - I often wear a mouthguard to help with this at night

• tense stomach/feeling uncomfortable - even had medical tests but there was nothing wrong - I realised it was another symptom of anxiety

• diarrhea

• increased heartbeat

• being indecisive

It does get me down I go through phases where I get depressed about it and it gets on top of me.

I finally made an appointment with my GP but as is usual nowadays I had to wait two and a half weeks and because I hadn't had a problem for nearly two weeks I was thinking of cancelling (yes I know avoiding the issue sticking my head in the sand my favourite thing to do) and then this weekend I had two episodes in quick succession.  The terrible tragedies in Paris on Friday night sent me rushing to the toilet. This is not in anyway to trivialise the events but is the way I deal with any stress my stomach is always the first to react. On Sunday night though I had another bout this time thinking about my hospital appointment to have a mammogram. I thought ENOUGH I'm going to see my GP even if he says there is nothing he can do at least I will have tried.

Asexual Awareness Week

I posted this photo up on my Instagram and Twitter account as my teeny contribution to Asexual Awareness Week.  I bought the tshirt via the MaapleUK website:

http://maaple.org.uk/campaign/exhibit-a-t-shirts-available/

If I do say so myself I think it looks great.

#asexualawareness #asexuality #ace

Asexuality - A Brief Introduction

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a persistent lack of sexual attraction toward any gender."

"Asexuality is not a disease. It’s not a medical condition. It’s not caused by low hormones or a brain tumor. It’s not a temporary phase. It’s not the result of childhood trauma. It’s not a response to a relationship gone wrong."

The Asexual Flag

I have just finished reading "Asexuality - A Brief Introduction" published by Asexuality Archive and it's made me reconsider and reflect on my life and attitudes to sex and relationships.  It also made me realise that there is no neat box to fit your life into there are so many different elements and some things fit that the author described and some didn't everyone's an individual.

In 2012 I discovered asexuality and the existence of AVEN (the Asexual Visibility and Education Network - www.asexuality.org) but it has taken me a while to become more involved in the online asexual world.  I don't know why but maybe I needed time to process this self discovery and accept that there were other people out there like me and I was not alone.  I couldn't believe it a website where I could finally relate.  I never thought I would be part of a minority group!

Apparently about 1% of the population is asexual.  It is not abstinence or celibacy, asexuality is not a choice.  But I am the classic asexual which fits the stereotypes or at least almost all of them.

▪️ I am both asexual and aromantic (not romantically attracted to any gender);

▪️ I am a Sherlock Holmes fan (but not Doctor Who though);

▪️ I love reading;

▪️ I am introverted and a socially awkward person;

▪️ I suffer from anxiety (mild form);

▪️ I am a geek (I love both country music and scifi/fantasy)

▪️ oh and I love cake!

When I was at school I thought the way I felt about boys and sex would change after I left school maybe I was repressing those feelings because of the way my parents were a little bit old fashioned about dating and boys and didn't think it was appropriate for me whilst I was at school.  But I didn't change.  It just never happened for me I never met anyone at work, or through the rare social events I did attend, or whilst travelling.  I'm nearly 50 now if I was going to experience those feelings I figure it would have happened by now.

I didn't realise until recently when talking to my mum that people had in the past asked her about me and getting married and she had responded that I didn't want to.  And when they replied that I might change my mind my mum had said I don't think she will, that I was happy as I was.  I realise I have been lucky in many respects from reading other people's experiences I've never had family pressure to get married or have children. I know my mum would have liked them but never made me feel guilty.  Thanks Mum.  Also at work and socially maybe it's a generation thing or being British that we don't ask questions so I've never been given the third degree about my personal life my lack of dating and being single so long.

For me I feel my asexuality and aromanticism very much ties in with my social awkwardness and difficulty making friends which is often of my own making I know I often don't help myself by not socialising more and sometimes I know I deliberately push people away.  I do wish at times I was that person who made friends I think I am getting better well I should say I am better online, in person is still a work in progress.

Unfinished Projects

As I've revived my blog it seems appropriate to do the same with my cross stitch projects.  Time to blow the cobwebs off.  I currently have 3 that need to be completed before I start anything new - my Humphrey Bogart, Columbus and Disney designs.  Here are their current status:

The priority is Bogart and although it may look like there is not much more to complete there is a whole section at the bottom to be done yet and it is very small stitches.  I had a little go at the weekend so watch this space ...

My Introduction To Jeremy Renner

Source: This beautiful wallpaper art work is from Deviant Art website by Aiko-Yamada
Link: http://aiko-yamada.deviantart.com/art/Agent-Barton-Thor-cameo-wallpaper-330823943

I thought I'd write about my introduction to Jeremy Renner and how I became a fan.

I've always been keen on superhero movies from Superman to Batman and even watch the bad ones like The Phantom. So no surprise I went to see Thor, anyone who has seen the film will know there is a scene with an archer whom Fury calls on to act as standby backup should he be needed to deal with Thor. It was only a short scene, it was dark, in the pouring rain and the character didn't even participate in the action but for some reason it resonated with me. All I kept thinking about was would the archer reappear and being disappointed when I walked out of the cinema that I hadn't seen him again. Not being a comic book fan I didn't even know the character's name or where he fitted into in the Marvel canon.

So when I got home I looked him up - Jeremy Renner and saw that he was due to be in the upcoming Mission Impossible sequel and The Avengers. I also realised I'd seen him before some years ago in episodes of CSI and Angel. My boss at the time had kept going on about the Mission Impossible films and how great they were but I had a closed mind. The reason was I'd loved the original TV series and had gone to see with my parents the first Tom Cruise Mission Impossible film which came out in 1996 and hated it. They had made Jim Phelps a traitor had could they!

In the summer of 1996 I flew on holiday and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol was one of the film options so despite my self-imposed ban I watched it intrigued to see the archer again. I always find it difficult to watch and enjoy films on flights but perservered through the Tomcentric parts helped enormously by the presence of Simon Pegg. And here again was this intriguing new actor Jeremy Renner squaring up to the great Tom Cruise I especially liked the scene with Tom almost a dance scene over the gun, the scenes with Simon Pegg were great but also the vulnerability Jeremy showed in the scenes of guilt he felt for Ethan's wife's death.

By the time I saw The Avengers later that summer I was fully won over and there was no going back my addiction had taken hold and I was tweeting, tumblring and Facebooking with like minded souls all as addicted as me.

Jeremy Renner and Sonni Pacheco - Divorce

I am not going to repeat what has been reported in the gossip columns nor the allegations in the divorce papers served by both parties.  If you want to you can just Google.

However, I do want to declare my support for Jeremy in what must be an extremely stressful time.  I'm hoping that matters will ultimately be resolved amicably especially for their little girl Ava at the heart of this situation.  Ultimately my allegiances lie with Jeremy.  And I wish him the best of luck on 1 April.

James Franco - Shades of Grey

James Franco was recently interviewed in the March edition of Four Two Nine Magazine stating about his sexuality:

"Well, I like to think that I’m gay in my art and straight in my life. Although, I’m also gay in my life up to the point of intercourse, and then you could say I’m straight. So I guess it depends on how you define gay. If it means whom you have sex with, I guess I’m straight. In the twenties and thirties, they used to define homosexuality by how you acted and not by whom you slept with. Sailors would fuck guys all the time, but as long as they behaved in masculine ways, they weren’t considered gay."

If I had read such a statement a few years ago I would have probably glanced at it and been a bit dismissive being just another Hollywood actor seeking attention. But in 2012 I discovered AVEN and asexuality and entered a whole other world and a journey of self discovery. I am realising that the world is a far more complicated place sexually and there is a place in it that fits me and I am not alone.

Film Review: Kill The Messenger

 

 

 

Having waited so long to see this film and with such high expectations I was concerned that it wouldn't deliver but I needn't have worried. I liked the documentary style opening and I think despite its obviously complex subject the screenplay and the way it was edited set out clearly what had and was happening so I understood and could follow the events even though I had not read Gary Webb's book. Jeremy Renner's performance was a very intense portrayal and movingly conveyed his journey from his euphoria at having achieved what every journalist is searching for THE story to his slow disintegration into despair when he realised his dream was crumbling as the CIA, fellow journalists, TV reporters turned on him. I found the family scenes very poignant and convincing. It was horrible watching the people he trusted the most betray him and you could see that they were doing so reluctantly but doing so nonetheless.


I was under the impression when following the filming that the ending would be different I thought they had included Gary's suicide but instead they only mentioned it as a postscript. I also thought they included him having an affair but what was conveyed was the toil it took on his marriage and his family because again it was only mentioned. But I'm glad this was the case as I feel this would have detracted from the message the story was conveying. So the film wasn't at all exploitative in the way it treated Gary's story despite those that turned on him and destroyed him using his personal life for their own purposes the film itself didn't sensationalise which is so common in Hollywood these days to create a 'good' story. I thought it was a nice touch to see the real Gary Webb with his family in a home movie as the film closed.

I thought the music was a little intrusive at times but I think this was because the theatre I was in was only small being only 4 rows of seats and the sound was too loud. At first I was not sure what purpose was served by seeing Gary occasionally zooming along on his motorbike but I guess it was to convey how important his bike was to him and why he was so upset when it was stolen contributing to his depressed feelings.

I think Jeremy Renner can be very proud of this film and this his first with production company The Combine if he can continue to develop projects of this quality then we are in for some real treats in the future.

Rating - 8/10