Tuesday, November 17, 2015


I must preface this by saying I am lucky as an anxiety sufferer, I can work, do some socialising (when I have to), travel etc.  I live with my problem and try and work around it, writing things down helps, talking to my parents.  BUT it has been the bane of my life as long as I can remember.

I'm such a worrier I worry about everything I text someone and make a joke or comment and then when I don't hear from that person I worry that I've said something to upset them and that's why they've not got in touch.  If I send an email I worry if I don't hear back within a few days that they don't want to be friends anymore.  I know it's me that I'm being silly but I can't help it I go through scenarios in my head about the reasons for the delay or in what way I've caused a problem. Then I think maybe I should text or email again but I stop myself because I don't want to be the annoying friend who won't leave people alone.  And my stomach ties in knots.  Or often I ignore people completely because I'm hopeless at making friends don't know what to say half the time so I procrastinate and leave it too long.

I get very easily distracted if I'm trying to read and someone is talking waving their hands around it will irritate me, if a bag strap is hanging down from the luggage rack or a door banging every now and then where someone hasn't closed it.  I try and use instrumental music to help me focus.  It doesn't always help sometimes I have to move or close the door! I don't get annoyed at the person(s) but at myself.

Other symptoms I often have are:

  •  clenching my jaw - I often wear a mouthguard to help with this at night

  • tense stomach/feeling uncomfortable - even had medical tests but there was nothing wrong - I realised it was another symptom of anxiety

  • diarrhea

  • increased heartbeat

  • being indecisive

It does get me down I go through phases where I get depressed about it and it gets on top of me.

I finally made an appointment with my GP but as is usual nowadays I had to wait two and a half weeks and because I hadn't had a problem for nearly two weeks I was thinking of cancelling (yes I know avoiding the issue sticking my head in the sand my favourite thing to do) and then this weekend I had two episodes in quick succession.  The terrible tragedies in Paris on Friday night sent me rushing to the toilet. This is not in anyway to trivialise the events but is the way I deal with any stress my stomach is always the first to react. On Sunday night though I had another bout this time thinking about my hospital appointment to have a mammogram. I thought ENOUGH I'm going to see my GP even if he says there is nothing he can do at least I will have tried.