Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Asexuality - A Brief Introduction

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a persistent lack of sexual attraction toward any gender."

"Asexuality is not a disease. It’s not a medical condition. It’s not caused by low hormones or a brain tumor. It’s not a temporary phase. It’s not the result of childhood trauma. It’s not a response to a relationship gone wrong."

The Asexual Flag

I have just finished reading "Asexuality - A Brief Introduction" published by Asexuality Archive and it's made me reconsider and reflect on my life and attitudes to sex and relationships.  It also made me realise that there is no neat box to fit your life into there are so many different elements and some things fit that the author described and some didn't everyone's an individual.

In 2012 I discovered asexuality and the existence of AVEN (the Asexual Visibility and Education Network - but it has taken me a while to become more involved in the online asexual world.  I don't know why but maybe I needed time to process this self discovery and accept that there were other people out there like me and I was not alone.  I couldn't believe it a website where I could finally relate.  I never thought I would be part of a minority group!

Apparently about 1% of the population is asexual.  It is not abstinence or celibacy, asexuality is not a choice.  But I am the classic asexual which fits the stereotypes or at least almost all of them.

▪️ I am both asexual and aromantic (not romantically attracted to any gender);
▪️ I am a Sherlock Holmes fan (but not Doctor Who though);
▪️ I love reading;
▪️ I am introverted and a socially awkward person;
▪️ I suffer from anxiety (mild form);
▪️ I am a geek (I love both country music and scifi/fantasy)
▪️ oh and I love cake!

When I was at school I thought the way I felt about boys and sex would change after I left school maybe I was repressing those feelings because of the way my parents were a little bit old fashioned about dating and boys and didn't think it was appropriate for me whilst I was at school.  But I didn't change.  It just never happened for me I never met anyone at work, or through the rare social events I did attend, or whilst travelling.  I'm nearly 50 now if I was going to experience those feelings I figure it would have happened by now.

I didn't realise until recently when talking to my mum that people had in the past asked her about me and getting married and she had responded that I didn't want to.  And when they replied that I might change my mind my mum had said I don't think she will, that I was happy as I was.  I realise I have been lucky in many respects from reading other people's experiences I've never had family pressure to get married or have children. I know my mum would have liked them but never made me feel guilty.  Thanks Mum.  Also at work and socially maybe it's a generation thing or being British that we don't ask questions so I've never been given the third degree about my personal life my lack of dating and being single so long.

For me I feel my asexuality and aromanticism very much ties in with my social awkwardness and difficulty making friends which is often of my own making I know I often don't help myself by not socialising more and sometimes I know I deliberately push people away.  I do wish at times I was that person who made friends I think I am getting better well I should say I am better online, in person is still a work in progress.